Week 1 - A beginning (kind of)

What are dreams made of? For boys growing up dreams are hitting a home run to win the game or scoring a touchdown to win the championship. The images of a sports champion are impressive, alluring and romantic. From the nooks and crannies of this great county boys follow their dreams. Some names are known – Ernie Banks, Walter Payton or Mean Joe Green. And some names are not – Genius Clairsissy, Boris Vapor or Gracious Zeroshoulder. This account is about none of these notable and forgotten. It is about a boy who challenged his sport, his own inner self and the values of a nation – Marijuana Jones.

Week 2 – The Star

“A complete natural” exclaimed the high school football coach Terry Welchesgrapejelly. “He can run, throw and even catch his own passes. We nicknamed him Mirrors because we don’t know how he does it” Indeed, he was speaking of Marijuana Jones. A kid – who at the age of 17 - stood seven inches above 5’ 6” and 109 pounds over 69 pounds. From a good family – Marijuana was raised in a small home near a wooded area. The last name – of course - is common. But who would name their kid Marijuana? And why? His parents Bob and Molly Jones were the parents and they named their son. Marijuana was chosen with much thought and inspired by an unusual story.

Week 3 – The Story Behind the name

The county police were very keen on jailing anyone who grew marijuana. Their efforts went above and beyond the expected. One case reveals the zeal these coppers had for busting marijuana growers. Ellie Linklight – the buttoned downed assistant librarian was arrested for growing carrots in her garden. “It was green” said sheriff Cletus Smallone. “We found green stuff growing in her so called garden and we arrested her” remembered Sheriff Smallone. This pursuit let the sheriff to the home of Bob and Molly. The sheriff - on a drive-by - noticed a discarded Christmas tree in the Joneses yard. The green caught his eye and he shot up the drive ready to cuff anything that moved. After proven innocent of the marijuana growing charges Bob wanted some measure of revenge. So, on the steps of the courthouse he told a television reporter “If I’m going to be accused of raising marijuana then I will. But not a plant – I will name my first-born Marijuana and raise him. Try arresting me for that Sheriff Smallone!!”

Week 4 – College Recruitment

All the major football programs desired Marijuana. Oklahoma, Miami and Nebraska all wanted him to play football. Sports analyst Wayne Testicle was high on Marijuana. “This kid is so good. He’s a combination of Red Grange and Sleepy Willis. The more Marijuana you see the more you want,” reported Testicle. But Marijuana wanted to attend a smaller college and enjoy these years without all the attention and controversy about his name. So on signing day he inked his name to attend Coker College in the hills of Western Georgia. The Coach at Coker College was no other than Shelly Sniff – long time member and all star for the World Champion Kansas City Chiefs. “We are excited about Marijuana coming to Coker College,” stated the bubbly coach. “When this kid rolls into town things will never be the same. Our fans are extremely high on the thought of this kid playing football for the Staws”(the politically correct team nickname). So with the decision made Marijuana was set to play for the Staws of Coker College. It was a perfect fit.

Week 5 - Making A Name for Himself

Most freshmen athletes have a difficult time making the starting line up. And at Coker College there was already a star at the same position Marijuana played, Henry Smoke Grail. On the first day of practice team captain Kenny Humspit introduced the star to the new recruit. Smoke this is Marijuana. He's going to take your spot on the team someday, joked Kenny. Smoke looked at Marijuana and said, Need a light? Then Smoke drifted past Marijuana and Kenny to a group of Cheerleaders gathered near the scoreboard. Make no mind of it rookie, said Kenny. Marijuana always a confident soul said, Smoke is a big ash! In the first game against Eager Beaver College- Marijuana was on fire scoring four touchdowns on runs of 55, 34, 60 and 90. Up the gut, around the left side and over the top. The freshman was a star and Smoke was fuming on the bench. Marijuana's parents were at the game and were gleaming with pride. Unknown to the family also attending the game was Sheriff Smallone who secretly planning a to damage the name of the flaming Marijuana Jones.

Week 6 - Back Alley Gravy

Smoke Grail and his roommate, Willie Passout - sat outside the locker room trying to figure out what had happened. In one game, the first game of the season, Smoke had lost his starting job on the team. The reality of the new star on campus began to sink in with Smoke. "You know Willie, we may not be welcome at Parts and Service Phi (PSP) for eggs and gravy. You know they only want the best athletes in their sorority." "Stop it Smoke," cried Willie. "If I ain't got PSP gravy then I'm - Well... I'm going to die skinny." Then Willie ran off dropping erasers and crying. Smoke gathered himself and began to walk back to the fraternity when he heard his name called. "Smoke. You are the man!! No refer boy is going to take your spot on this team." Smoke turned to see a shadow of a man standing near the empty boxes of refried peanuts. "Who's that?" inquired Smoke. "It's me Smoke," replied Sheriff Smallone. "Can we talk Smoke?" asked the sheriff. "I have a plan to get you back on the field and keep your buddies full of PSP gravy and eggs." This was music to Smokes ears. "I will talk to you," replied Smoke "but open mouth kissing is something I won't do with older men. The two walked off talking and looking at their shoes. A dense skunky smell followed them. Monkeys sang an evening song that sounded like hell and whiskey.

Week 7 - I Got to be Me!!

Smoke and Sheriff Smallone enlisted the help of the most talented guy on campus - ChaCha Crossarms. He was the talented actor and voice impersonator at Coker College. His starring role in the spring production of My Mother is A Vacuum brought rave reviews. Talent scouts from New York came down to see ChaCha play the troubled mother of five who had personality disorders trigged by vacuuming. The plan was for ChaCha to be Marijuana -talk like him, look like him and even smell like him . ChaCha would become offensive, stinky and frisky. The student body would soon tire of Marijuana and Smoke would be back and in good graces. ChaCha began to study Marijuana. Before long ChaCha had picked up on all the mannerisms of Marijuana. Then ChaCha add the final touches of make up, hair coloring, carrot juice injections and hair spray. It was miraculous. ChaCha the actor was now Marijuana. "Go insult somebody!" exclaimed Smoke Grail. And with that slight prompting ChaCha headed onto campus to destroy the fine name of Marijuana Jones. The tree eels of Western Georgia hissed in excitement. The first person to meet ChaCha was the brainy but beautiful Carla Hoops. "Baby with an ass like that you should be loading Cubans on your hips and sailing them to freedom in Florida." ChaCha chimed. "Why you- you - you son of a refer grower...go to hell or San Bernardino - which ever is closer" cried Carla. She then ran off crying. Next was the only Chinese student on campus Wee Rike Dandruff. "Wee Rike you smell like ancient rice crap and testicle fuzz" scolded ChaCha. "Go ruck yur cat" shot back Wee Rike as he shuffled quickly down the sidewalk. The plan was working beautifully. Smoke and Sheriff Smallone followed behind ChaCha laughing and recording all the encounters on super VHS. Smoke began to have hunger pangs for Parts and Service Phi and gravy and eggs.

Week 8 - Smack My Ass and Call Me Tall Sally

The next morning was beautiful full of sunshine and dew and things that girls like. The real Marijuana walked out of his dorm room and to class. Immediately, he was greeted by hostile and slappy words. “You dirt bag son of a Porridge Salesman.” “Eat wax paper and play origami with you ass football boy.” “I’m going to gut you like a deer.” Marijuana began to run to class. Confused. Uncertain. Scared. Marijuana made his way into the hall outside Math class and was met by Tall Sally Shortshirts. Tall Sally was the nicest girl on campus. She was also the daughter of underworld crime boss Junior Baptist. “Tall Sally, everyone is saying horrible things to me and I don’t know why!! I never said a cross word about anyone since I called Sheriff Smallone Eric Estrada.” Marijuana was shaken. Tall Sally began to comfort Marijuana. “I know you like a brother. You would never do anything to cause this uproar. I believe you Marijuana!” Within the next twenty minutes Marijuana gained his composure and began to try to understand what was happening. He came to the conclusion that someone was playing a sad joke on him. But Whom? “Tall Sally, can you help me find out who is playing this trick on me? Then we can get even!” planned Marijuana. “My dad can help too. He has this guy named Sonny Nickel-Eyes who can make people disappear. Sonny owes me favor!” said Tall Sally. “I appreciate your offer Tall Sally but I can handle my own problems,” said Marijuana - his confidence began to grow. “Hey Techia come on over here” shouted Marijuana. Reluctantly, Techia came over then began to scold the football star. “Boy what you been sayin is fogging the living room window at all your friends house.” Marijuana said to Techia, You know I wouldn’t say those things. Who told you that I did this?” Techia looked up and pointed across the lawn to the on looking Sheriff Smallone and Smoke Grail.

Week 9 - Working Up A Movement

As fate would unfold the fake Marijuana strolled past Tall Sally and Marijuana. Cha Cha was in character but unaware that he was speaking to the real Marijuana. He then proceeded to insult the unlucky pair. “Hey boy you got a quarter? Then shove it up your ass and have your girlfriend suck it out your nose!” Then Cha Cha walked off laughing. If there were any doubts they were erased by this confrontation. “Who is that acting like me?” asked Marijuana.

“Let’s follow him,” said Tally Sally. They shadowed the bad actor through campus. Finally, Cha Cha arrived at the house where Smoke Grail lived. The two evil planners were laughing and reliving the day. Outside the window crouching near the bushes were Tall Sally and Marijuana taking in all the horrible details. “I’ve heard enough,” stated Marijuana and the two left towards Tall Sally’s home. Not much was said on the walk back. Tall Sally was extremely angry and began to emit and odor through her Whisker glands. Just as Marijuana began to comment on the odor - they bumped into Coach Shelly Sniff. “I’ve been looking for you son. We need to talk about your future here at Coker College,” said the coach. “I’ve heard troubling things.” Marijuana told coach he could explain everything and lead him back to the home of Smoke Grail. Listening from outside the window the coach heard the truth from Cha Cha. “Get this,” told Cha Cha “I saw Kimberly Flattened Squirrel that real rich girl and I asked her to suck my toes. She gasp and ran off as I shouted they taste like chicken baby!!.” Coach, Tall Sally, and Marijuana left for the coach’s office. “Marijuana, What stinks?” asked Coach. Tall Sally fessed up “It’s me Coach. I stink when I get angry. I’m part gypsy and part Elk. I’m getting a surgery on spring break to fix me up” The three sat around the coach’s office discussing the whole ugly, stinky circumstances. A tattoo artist named Kevin knocked on the door. The gods were beginning to work in Marijuana’s favor.


Get On With It!!

Besides being a tattoo artist, Kevin is a psychic to the stars of Archie’s Place - the late 70’s TV show. He was drawn to Marijuana, Coach Sniff and Tall Sally by a mystic fog over the situation. Kevin had known of the peril presented by Smoke Grail and Sheriff Smallone through a dream he had after eating a bucket of ribs and drinking a six-pack of Coors Light - Official Beer of the NFL. He explained “If I revealed myself too soon then a slippery calamity would have occurred. I waited till now - this safe period - to contact you and reveal the answer to this pillow fight.” Kevin had the full attention of Tall Sally, Marijuana and Coach Sniff. Kevin spoke the truth. “Coach you must have ChaCha suit up for practice. Since he is to be Marijuana then he needs to be him on the football field too. Call the plays so ChaCha gets the ball time after time. After ten times the carrot juice injections in his lips will be leaking from the side of his mouth!” Each of the involved leaned backed and thought just for a brief time. The plan was brilliant!! No one can take a pounding like the ones handed out by interior lineman Alan Gutterball. Coach was in on the plan and practice was set for three the next afternoon. To ensure that the fake Marijuana would be at practice Coach summoned a meeting with Smoke Grail. Coach called Smoke while the group listened – “Smoke I saw you and Marijuana walking to your house. Why don’t you both come to my office right now and I’ll reveal my secret play to beat Mississippi Latter College. You’ll be the first to know.” Smoke was trapped. Trapped by his ego - to be on coach’s call list - and trapped by having to bring the fake Marijuana to the coach’s office. Traps over Leaking Lips beat a flush. The plan for the downfall was set. The coach plugged in his favorite music CD by the Mary Jane Girls. The sun sat late that day.


Week 11 - Coming and Going

Coach Sniff was blowing the whistle hard and riding his players at practice. “Linemen, you move slower than my colon on Thanksgiving! And you coverage guys – we’re going to have the trainers bring out eggs and bacon because you guys have the toast!” Then with a twinkle in his eye he called out ChaCha and Smoke Grail. “Marijuana, you and Smoke go out and show us how it’s done!” ChaCha reluctantly took his spot on the field. Quarterback Lumpy Pillowtalk called the play, “Right toss, bullwinkle bulge, flip a coin on two.” The team broke the huddle. ChaCha was taking direction from Smoke to find his job on the play. The ball was snapped and tossed to ChaCha. Hefty linebacker Ulrich Fritos ran right at ChaCha and hit him square. A loud crack echoed across the practice field. It was ChaCha’s leg and arm and collar bone all breaking at once. Smoke ran to him and asked “are you still alive?” ChaCha looked up at Smoke and replied “two whiskey sours and a bowl of peanuts” then passed out. Just then Smoke looked up to see the real Marijuana running on to the field. Marijuana came up to Smoke and said, “Maybe he can get a role in the new Christmas play Cole Slaw in My Stocking!” Then Coach Sniff came over to Smoke and told him to turn in his jock strap and go home. Tall Sally was watching all this unfold from the bleachers and she let out a skunk-like odor from her Whisker Gland. After about a half hour, practice was called due to the overwhelming odor. Coach gather the team together for a pep talk, “Before we let you boys go today, I want to talk about our game Saturday against Red Carpet College. They’ll score early. Maybe three touchdowns before we even get the ball. But don’t give up on it boys! They’ll be no match if we can keep our heads up!” The team broke practice and Tall Sally met Marijuana near the scoreboard. “Marijuana, I want to introduce you to my cousin Tammy Stripper. She your biggest fan!” With a DDD cup Tammy was most certainly a big fan. Marijuana was stunned by Tammy’s simple beauty and aroused by her large breasts.


The Big Game

Red Carpet College was good. They had big guys that had tough nicknames - Slappy Handgun, Big Tush, Legs Johnson and Iron Pipe Williams. The school mascot was a knife. The Red Carpet College Knives. Whew! The week before this game the entire campus of Coker College is a twisted knot. Things are uneasy and the phones don't ring loudly. Coach Sniff has his team studying game film until two in the morning. This is the BIG GAME! Then to add to the importance both teams are 11-0 and battling for a position in the Family Channel Bowl Game The Twlizzer Bowl sponsored by Interstate Batteries and Twlizzers. Coach of Red Carpet College is 35-year stonewall Harry Wheeze. "This will be a bath of blood with out soap and a towel," screamed Coach Wheeze and then he released his team to the field to play the Straws. The game was on! The Straws and The Knives. The Straws won the coin toss and chose to receive the ball. Starting from the 19 yard line Coach Sniff called every play for Marijuana. On gains of 15, 9, 17, 24 and 10 yards Marijuana was dancing. On the next play Marijuana took a screen pass and moved around Legs Johnson for an easy score. The crowd gave their favorite cheer: "GO MJ GO." The Straws defense gave up long gaining plays to the Knives. And within five plays the game was tied. Big Tush was the Knives key running back. Both teams battled fiercely to win this game. At halftime the game was tied at 28-28. The inspirational Coach Sniff fired up his team by telling them the story of the boy and the pickle. There was not a dry eye in the locker room and the players hearts swelled. From that moment to the end of the game the Straws were full for fire. The final score was 70-28. The Straws had won the right to play in the post-season game and a chance at a perfect season. This was Marijuana's best game and the pro scouts had their eyes on him. Tall Sally and Tammy Stripper met Marijuana outside the locker room. Tammy looked real good and the three of them went to eat


Week 13 - The Lost Week

It was time for the school to break for Thanksgiving. The Straws were in the Bowl Game and the campus was buzzing. Tra la la la. History teachers were speaking to janitors. The town was blooming. Marijuana was headed home. To Bob and Molly’s house near the woods. Team Captain Kenny Humspit was headed to Marijuana’s hometown for the break and they rode together. Kenny loved marching band music and the listened to two hours of the California Marching Band renditions of Stevie Wonder. While the music was rattling, Marijuana’s mind wondered to thoughts of his mom’s ‘nilla wafer pie. The car rolled towards home with band music and comfortable thoughts of pie. “Wake up rookie - slack ass,” joked Kenny. “You’re home. Hit it.” Marijuana rolled out of the car and was home. Immediately Bob and Molly ran to their son. “We’re so glad to see you son!” They all felt like dunking a basketball. Feelings were good. After getting settled at home Marijuana called his old prom date Jenny Coolio. “Pizza at eight?” asked the football star. Jenny was so happy to hear from her boy - the one who made her feel so tender. Jenny and Marijuana sat across from each other smiling and not talking then spitting into a cup. When from the front door came a gang of gun-slinging short people. All of them less than three feet tall. They demanded money, jewelry, stocks and light cream cheese. Marijuana instantly grabbed the crushed red pepper shaker and tossed it at the vocal leader. Drawing fire - Marijuana then threw the large salad bowl. Other patrons at the pizza joint began to fight back. The small robbers were run off. Marijuana and Jenny made a quick exit. They ran through rain puddles to the near-by park. “I’m going to have your baby,” said Jenny. “Oh my” cried MJ. “Not really” said Jenny “But let’s try!” At that wonderful moment - General Manager of the Green Bay Packers approached Marijuana. “Hey Millionaire! Got A Light?” The pressure was on


Week 14 - Hot Rolls

Unknown to Marijuana and Jenny was that they were being watched. Not only by the GM of the Packers but also by a renegade short person who helped in the robbery attempt. “Lancy is my name!” exclaimed the short person. “And I’m a Chicago Bears fan. Nothing would be finer that to kick the green and gold ass right in this here park! Um hum.” The GM - Bart Bubbleblower - was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And in a blink of an eye Lancy shot towards Bart and bit him in the neck. With over 500 pounds of pressure placed on the neck of Bart - his neck snapped. Short people have the jaws of a teenage alligator. “What a horrible thing to witness” cried Jenny. Both Marijuana and Jenny ran for the car as Lancy ( the Chicago Bears fan ) ate hunks of flesh from GM Bubbleblower. Within three minutes, other short people revealed themselves and savaged the meat from the carcass of Bart. When MJ and Jenny arrived at the car they immediately noticed that the tires had been slashed. They ran up the street in a sweaty sprint for life. The duo slipped into an old abandoned warehouse. It was empty with metal walls and dark like a frying pan. MJ lit a match that illuminated a warehouse full of odd and interesting things. They quickly climbed up a latter to a loft and then moved over to a seventeen-foot Pillsbury Dough Boy where they hid under his hat. It was intimate and sexy. And that is where Jenny and Marijuana consummated their love. Morning broke and Marijuana had to go back to school, football and Coker College. He met Kenny at the Plastic Porridge Restaurant and headed back. MJ was wrecked with the thoughts of leaving school and turning pro. How exciting! How uncertain. Like Randy Moss at a chess match. Upon arriving - MJ went to see coach Sniff to explore the opportunity. But when MJ arrived at the coach’s office Coach Sniff and Bart Bubbleblower greeted him. “I thought you were a meal back at the park,” exclaimed MJ. “Son that was my body double” replied Bart. "Lot’s of guys get eaten alive in the recruiting business,” told Bart. “At Green Bay we take the utmost precaution” Bart went on “We really like you son. You’re going to be a great one. Come play for the Packers.” MJ explained, “What if I fail? Then what? I would love to play in the pros!! Coach I just don’t know.” Coach Sniff said “Go sleep on it son and let’s talk tomorrow.” Tammy Stripper and Tall Sally met MJ as he walked out of the coaches office. “You smell like hot rolls,” said Tally Sally. MJ smiled.


Week 15 - Chewy Bowl

The Twlizzer Bowl game versus Black Pot College from Danville, Illinois was on! Black Pot has the meanest linebacker duo in the nation. Plastico Smackey and Itchyso Smackey. The boys were twins separated at birth then reunited years later at a football training camp at High Point, N.C. They met in the fried chicken line. Immediately they noticed the resemblance. Very bright boys, they asked their parents if they were related. Their Grandfather Juan Smackey finally told the boys of their birth parents and their early demise. "You see" said Juan "they we're taken before their time in an accident where a television set was dropped on the car from a 747 at 30,000 feet." From the time the boys learned of their shared past they decided to be tough cookies. The first quarter went scoreless. This was very unusual for a Straws game. Marijuana was usually on fire from the beginning. But it seemed the Black Pots knew what play the Straws were going to run. Coach Sniff exclaimed "It's as if my dead twin brother Pablo Flexible was calling the defensive plays. He knew my game plan like I know my wife's monthly cycles." It was true. The Straws should have been winning. But play after play was stopped. The Straws Punter Viking Perishable was kicking the ball like heck and kept the Black Pots deep in their end of the field. It was a scoreless battle at halftime. As the half time ended the teams ran onto the field. The opposing coached met near the twenty. Coach Sniff got a close look at the assistant coach from Black Pot and was stunned. It was his brother Pablo. "I thought you were dead!" said coach Sniff. "Well Shelly, it's good to see you again! You know I left for ice cream and never came back. Nice seeing you! Let's do lunch!" and Pablo ran toward the opposing sideline. Coach Sniff knew he had trouble. Thinking, deeply seeking an answer to deliver his team a bowl game win he was struck with the most inspirational thought. "I've got to get someone else to call the plays. But who?" Then he saw Tammy Stripper standing near the scoreboard. "Tammy, the team needs you!" cried coach Sniff. Tammy was aroused and the whole world knew. Coach told Tammy what he needed. "I'd love to call plays!!" said the excited Tammy Stripper. The first play was called "Bra Strap Draw on three." The play worked perfectly. Then next play was called "tight end pass on two!" MJ caught the ball at the goal line and broke the scoreless game. From that point on the Straws were hot. Like a beautiful Stripper! The final score was 35-0. MJ had scored five times and set the Twlizzer Bowl record for rushing yards at 230. The players doused Tammy with Gatorade. The crowd did not move. It was a banana split sunset. A perfect ending to a perfect season.


Week 16 - I’ll Miss this Place!

Marijuana met his parents down near the scoreboard after the game. They were all so excited! Bob had his arm around the shoulder of his son. Molly was taking pictures of the two with scoreboard as the backdrop. High School coach Terry Welchesgrapejelly came up to the Jones family with hands extended. “What a wonderful ass whippin’ you laid on those Son-of-a-bitches,” bellowed Coach Welchesgrapejelly. “Um excuse Mrs. Jones! I’m awful proud of your boy!” said coach. “Yes this is such a wonderful feeling!” said Molly. Tall Sally and Stripper Tammy came running towards the group. Tall Sally was so excited. “Glass magnets are for sale! Fifty cents will get you three!” The gypsy in Tall Sally was showing. In stark contrast, Stripper Tammy was soft spoken and polite. “That was fun MJ we should do it again real soon. I love playing ball with you. You’re an angle.” A fast looking car pulled up and honked. It was Kevin the tattoo artist. He was there to pick up Stripper Tammy and drive to the sunset listening Roy Orbison songs. Stripper Tammy ran to Kevin’s car and they soon sped off. “What a nice girl” said Bob? Tall Sally agreed, “Yes she’s a very nice girl. Did you know she has a glass eye and a tattoo of the state of Tulsa on her butt! Tee Hee.” Tall Sally had been drinking and was giddy. The mood was almost perfect. Then a shadow of man appeared from the far sideline. He walked slowly toward the group. No one could see his face until he was upon them. It was the General Manager of the Green Bay Packers- Bart Bubbleblower. “You all got one great big decision to make. This young man is ready for the professional league,” said Bart. Bob spoke up instantly, “I agree! Son you need to go for the Gold Slipper. I mean the Glass Thong.” Bob had rehearsed this speech in his mind a hundred times but blew it. MJ spoke up, “I want to go to the pro’s. But I’ll miss the setting here at Coker College. There is something special about this place.” Everyone knew he was right. “But this is my dream! To take my name into the NFL!” said MJ. “Now hold on son” scolded Bart. “You got to change your first name. The league will never allow the word Marijuana to be blasted throughout the stadiums and TV sets across the country. How do you like the name Ken?” Marijuana shot back, “I’m not changing my name to Ken! It’s not that it’s a bad name. My first girlfriend was named Ken. But I’m Marijuana Jones!” Like a runaway roller coaster the day was up and now down. Tall Sally spoke. “Four nineteen from eight still leaves room for fish. There is only one Mona Lisa. Her name stinks but we’re not going to change it!” She was right and everyone knew it.


Week 17 – Something Old, Something New and A Cherry Pop Tart

Jenny called Marijuana just as he was rubbing his feet with a mixture of coconut oil and Pepsi. “I’m sorry I wasn’t at the game,” said Jenny. “You were just wonderful!! That girl calling plays who was that?” Jenny was not the jealous type but MJ felt something greasy in Jenny’s voice. “She is a friend of Tall Sally,” explained MJ. “We three would go out to eat a lot but … Jenny … nothing ever happened. I promise!” Jenny knew that her boy would never lie to her. She asked him another question. “Marijuana are you going to turn professional?” There was a short pause and MJ said, “Yes!” MJ went on “There’s this guy named Bart that wants me to change my name to Ken and play for the Green Bay Packers.” Jenny screamed, “ No, No, No never do that!” Both knew that MJ had to make it on his own. The two finished their conversation and Jenny faked an orgasm then they hung up. Just then there was a knock at MJ’s door. “What?” shouted MJ. “Is this the room that Marijuana Jones lives in? I’m Allen Williams agent for the top NFL players. We need to talk.” The door opened and instantly there were good vibrations. “Allen Williams. Nice to meet you Marijuana. Can we talk about your future?” Marijuana invited the agent in to his apartment and the two had a long conversation. By sun-up a deal was stuck and MJ had his future planned. “My word is good,” said MJ “I’ll feel your words are good too!” Agent Williams said, “There is one last thing we need to do to seal this relationship. We have to share a Cherry Pop Tart. I’ve got a fresh one.” The football start and the agent for the football stars sat and shared the Pop Tart. Williams left and MJ sat back with his legs up, arms folded behind is head and the Flintstones on the tube. The day of the NFL Draft the Cincinnati Bengal’s choose first and selected pass rushing specialist Classy Pumpkinass from the University of Michigan. The Chicago Bears had the next second selection. General Manager Tim Tummyfullofbread made the selection that would change the face of their franchise and the history of the National Football League. “The Chicago Bears select Marijuana Jones.” Marijuana was on the stand with his parents, Tall Sally, Jenny, Coach Sniff and high school coach Welchesgrapejelly, wearing a Bears cap and holding his new jersey with the number 39. Back home Sheriff Smallone was in his living room watching the draft. The Sheriff looked away from the TV and saw his dog shuffling his ass across the carpeting. Somewhere in Columbus, Ohio – Cha-Cha Crossarms was performing in a stage played called Pound My Pretty Little Ass. The girls at Parts and Service Phi were making gravy and the smell covered the campus of Coker College. The sun set on time that day.